Unmasked

Many years ago, I attended a self-help workshop, which was riveting for a lot of reasons—not the least of which was our collective uncovering of our “basic assumptions.”  These are something like the Jungian shadow self—an underlying, unconscious, lifetime belief that serves as a catalyst for one’s action or inaction in life.  This awareness was revelatory to us in attendance.  My basic assumption?  “I’m not sure.”  I learned that I manifest this core belief in two distinct ways: either a deer-in-the-headlights immobility when a sense of uncertainty washes over me (it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy), or the flip side—a radical conviction to act with certainty (“I am sooo sure”). Whatever the case, we with ears to hear and hearts to receive were each awakened to a deeper understanding of self, and ideally, we would use that understanding and self-awareness to behave differently in the future—to unhinge ourselves from mindless fight-or-flight inclinations and to look at and operate from truth.

One evening, the workshop leader and creator (Maria Nemeth, by the way; check out her work) devised an absolutely brilliant (and enormously uncomfortable) experience by which all of our basic assumptions ran wild and loose for all to see.  We created treasure maps of things we wanted in life—but it was the others in the group who created them for us while we had to sit by and let them.  Oh, snap…let the basic assumptions fly!  And fly they did.  “People are a**holes.”  “Leave me the f*** alone.”  “Life is f***ing hard.”  “There’s something wrong with me.”  “I can’t.”  “This isn’t it.”  The list goes on….but you get the idea.

And so here we are.  Our world today, the ways in which we are collectively interacting with one another…well, it’s all very familiar.  In my ever-confident certainty (and yes, I’m winking at myself as I say this), I see that we have manifested one big basic-assumption-fest on steroids.  And in this space, we are not our best selves.  But we are, in fact, ourselves nonetheless.  The shadow self belongs to us too.  It lives and breathes whether we see it or not.

It is here in our fears.

It is here in our uncertainty.

It is here in our animosity.

It is here in our anger.

It is here in our pain.

I see it.  (It’s hard to miss.)  But I’m not altogether sure what to do about it.  (Of course, that’s ever my challenge.)

But just perhaps…the answer is in the light: shining a light, bringing truth to light, being a light, standing in the light.  Today I met with a group of women to talk openly, candidly, and truthfully about race and change.  The experience was potent.  And I think this is so mainly because of the light we shared—all the truth we brought in from the shadows.

And it is here in the light that we find ourselves as well.  As in the shadow, we live and breathe in the light.

It is here in our hearts.

It is here in our compassion.

It is here in our truths.

It is here in our hopes.

Here is where I stand.  I will not run from my shadow.  But I will also choose to stand in the light.

I’ll meet you there.