Seeing Clearly

Some days bring everything into sharp focus.

This week my mother underwent extensive, day-long surgery. It was necessary but grueling, and her recovery road ahead will be long and demanding. My heart is raw with love for her. And as I sat working through the duration of her surgery—writing to maintain my schedule and commitments and to pass the hours, immersed in my own world and worries—an unexpected floodgate of startling news came pouring in from various sources. I heard from a beloved friend whose father had just succumbed to his long battle with cancer—and another whose mother was newly diagnosed even as her daughter completed her battle with the disease—and another whose dear daughter had just been dealt a heartbreak—and another who has been betrayed yet again by her children’s father—and another whose babies, she had just learned, both required significant medical procedures….

And then a disturbed and angry young man walked into a group of joyous young concertgoers in Manchester, England, and took lives, changed lived, devastated lives in a single stroke.

My heart, my heart—my heart is so heavy.

And still, under all the weight, I am aware of a steady pulse, beating out the quiet rhythm of my life…

My beloved niece had written two beautiful notes for Grammy, one for before and one for after surgery—my sweet sister and I sat in fellowship, spending our day working and in wait together—my beautiful son drew a darling card for Grammy, with grandma and grandson otters snuggling—my dear husband just held me and loved me and reminded me that everything is okay—my creative work fulfilled me, and my family loved me.

I am so tired. Worn and spent. Life has me pulled in many directions just now. But it is life nonetheless. I am here. I am alive. I am surrounded by those I love and who love me. The world, with all its chaos and insanities, is still spinning. My suffering is not unique, and the simple beauties and gifts are ever present.

Yes, sharp focus. I need to look a little more carefully. It is all there.

Peace be to all.