Category Archives: PB&J Blog

Many years ago, I attended a self-help workshop, which was riveting for a lot of reasons—not the least of which was our collective uncovering of our “basic assumptions.”  These are something like the Jungian shadow self—an underlying, unconscious, lifetime belief that serves as a catalyst for one’s action or inaction in life.  This awareness wasContinue reading “Unmasked”

My grandpa was a quiet man. I suspect that everything he said directly to me in the 18 years that my life crossed his would just about fill one 12-pt. Times sheet, standard margins. Grandma did most of the talking. I’m fairly certain Grandpa wasn’t listening to her much of the time. I’m equally certainContinue reading “Grandpa”

Here’s to the mama in awe and in love with her new baby, snuggled against her chest and breathing soft downy breaths against her skin. Here’s to the mama whose baby never was, whose longing never ended, whose heart still yearns. Here’s to the mama who conceived her baby with ease and joy, standing inContinue reading “To the Mamas”

It’s a heady task—and a daunting one—when someone you love more than your breath passes from this world, to carry forward his legacy. One’s life becomes remolded with that mission. I hope and struggle and strive every day to carry forward my son. My broken heart has been pieced together like clay around a Kenny-shapedContinue reading “Present”

My son and I just finished another puzzle, which we love to do but normally don’t find the time. My husband and I had a couple conversations today that had nothing to do with household management, child raising, or logistics. Our family dog is beside herself with contentment that, finally, all her people are home,Continue reading “Unexpected Gifts”

The rains just cleared, and while puffed white clouds bloom across an azure sky, a flash of feathers darts across our yard and lands in our rain-drenched bird bath. It is an oriole looking for a place to bathe and preen. And so it does. A mockingbird soon joins him, followed by a pair ofContinue reading “A Call to Winter”

Thirty years ago, I woke up in the middle of the night to a little discomfort.  Something was up.  I wondered, is this it?  Is this the day my baby arrives?  I sat up marking contractions.  As they got closer and closer, I woke my husband, called the hospital, and away we drove to checkContinue reading “The Cusp of Spring”

I am learning a truth I probably always knew but simply didn’t attend to.  We grieve in silence. Grief is universal.  None of us escapes it.  We lose people we love.  We lose parts of our identities.  We lose circumstances and situations we depend on and that matter to us.  We all know grief.  AndContinue reading “In the Silence”

This has been our first holiday season without our son.  We planned well…new activities and traditions to keep him present, letting go of a few traditions that would just be too painful to experience without him, and allowing ourselves to stay present with family and friends.  There has been love and laughter.  Sadness too…but manageable. Continue reading “A Place at the Table”

There’s a space in this world that my son used to occupy.  I am the sculptor that first chiseled this space.  But as he grew, he carved it for himself.  His space in the world.  He molded a life and staked his claim in a space that was his.  For nearly 30 years, it wasContinue reading “Space”